I’ve read stories about these women who get treated like absolute garbage by their male counterparts… Men who cheat on them, beat them, verbally abuse them, neglect them… Every kind of abuse you can think of. They feel trapped, frightened, and alone. So many men treat women like shit, this I will not deny. However, the problem with this truth is that it’s not the full story about men, nor about women. There are quite a few men who are pigs, yes… but in my experience, I’ve seen many women who are far more hurtful, calculative, manipulative, and self-entitled. The only problem is, as men, we’re not allowed to talk about it. Yeah, well, I’m going to, and I don’t care how much flame I get for it. I’m putting the ideas out there, and pointing out situations in the hopes that people are off-put by them, and consider changing their behavior.
To any women who believe my observations are unfair blanket statements, I think your blanket statements about men being cunt-hungry neanderthals are also unfair. Not all of us are like that (I’m certainly not) and I’m not saying what I think applies to all of you either… but what I can state with a comfortable level of certainty is that you do have friends that this applies to… Don’t you?…
Introduction
The whole dating game is rigged from the start. It’s entirely tipped in the favor of women every step of the way. They’re the ones who actually make the decisions:
- Whether a relationship happens or exists
- How serious the relationship is
- How long the relationship lasts
- How fast the relationship moves
- How far the relationship goes
I always like to use the “fishing” analogy to describe what it’s like to be a man trying to find someone special. They always say “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” What an apt statement, because that’s exactly what it feels like.
Men: We Are Fishermen
The fishing analogy is exactly what it is. Note, I’m not talking about the fishing rod nor the lure in any phallic sense… rather I mean the line, lure, and act of fishing strictly refers to the act of capturing a potential mate’s attention and bringing them into your life.
First, you have to get the perfect lure. It’s gotta shine, it’s gotta dance, and it’s gotta be satisfying. Many men do their best to get this lure perfect, but most of us are cursed with lures that’ll just be what they are. The lure here is a metaphor for our personalities and physical appearance.
You cast your line in and hope to get a bite. All the other fish look at it, swim around a bit, talk amongst themselves, and then finally one ventures out to it to bite. As a newb, a bite always seems a sure thing, so you reel the line in at first sign of a bite only to find nothing on the hook. Way to go, idiot. Try not jumping the gun until you’ve got a more secure hold on that fish!
So you cast your line back in again, and the fish give it a nibble. You know better now, and don’t reel the line in until one takes a full-on chomp. This one’s for sure! Reel it in, and…
Wait… where’s the fish? More importantly, where the hell is the damn hook and lure?! That fish took you for everything you’ve got!
You take some time, and build a new lure (read: take the time to build your confidence up again). You cast the line in. Same as above… Something grabs hold. You reel it in, and …
It’s not a fish; it’s a squid.
Well what the hell are you supposed to do with that?! This squid’s crazy too… And extremely unhealthy. But, the sun’s going down, and you don’t know what else to do…
You have to make a decision… Throw the squid back and try one more time? Or just stick with the damn squid, never ever feeling happy. The squid makes your life miserable for the end of your days, and you’ve lost all confidence in even trying to go back in the water again.
Some men throw the squid back, go to their local store, and buy a fish to enjoy just for the evening (metaphorically: a prostitute).
Welcome to the male reality. “There’s plenty more fish in the sea!” Yeah, but do you really wanna go through all that hassle and emotional turmoil again?
Women: Take Your Pick, They’re All Tasty
Women, on the other hand, have an entirely different analogy. With women, trying to find the right man is like being presented with a giant basket of fruit. Yeah, like a giant basket of peaches or something. It’s right there, and they can reach right on in and pull one out that they like. So they reach in and pull out the first one. Oh wait… this one’s rotten. Ok, whatever, throw it away and grab another one. Ugh… don’t grab that one, that one’s obviously rotten. Let’s just move it out of the way. It’s not actually rotten; just discolored. Nevermind that, it’s weird, and not what you’re ideally looking for. You want that piece of fruit that’s ripe, sweet, juicy, and satisfying.
So you keep grabbing more fruit… sometimes you may even sample the fruit’s juice, but then you throw it away as well. Nope, not that one, it’s not ripe enough yet (i.e. too young). Nope, not that one, it’s a little too ripe (i.e. too old). Finally, you find that one piece of fruit you like. It’s beautiful. You sample its juice for a while, and you finally decide that’s the fruit you definitely want. What they didn’t tell you is this piece of fruit was artificially enhanced with sugar and extra stuff. Bottom line: this piece of fruit is rotten, but you won’t notice for quite a while.
You come back another day, throw away that last piece of fruit, and keep on picking. At the end of the day, if you don’t find what you’re looking for, you can always take a piece of fruit home that’s just “good enough for now” until you can find one better.
You wanna know what the main difference is between the man’s analogy and the woman’s? Women don’t go home hungry; men do.
The Dating Scenario Played Out
Truly, women have all the power in a relationship. Even from the very beginning, it’s a giant charade designed to deprecate the male further every step of the way. Since we’ve already established that you’re the one in control, then we can say that you’re the one actually shopping for a man, correct? Sure, we men want a woman, but you’re the one ultimately making the purchase. We’re like pets in a pet store just waiting to go to a good home. In any normal purchasing situation, you, the consumer, go to where the product is, pick it up, check it out, and make your decision.
But that’s not the way dating works at all, is it, men? No, they don’t come to you; you have to go to them. You must approach them. Certain rules of courtship have to be followed… although who made these rules and why the hell we’re following them is a mystery we’ll never figure out. So, right off the bat, you have to cater to a woman’s control of the situation. You must give up some of your freedom and go beyond what is realistically necessary in the hopes of going to a good home.
That’s ok… all relationships are about sacrifices… right?
So you go into a relatively public place, and you see a potential mate standing there with her friends. You must approach, alone, and initiate courtship. This is already intimidating and frightening. She’s in her comfort zone with all her friends. You’re alone and victim to all their vicious eyes ready to strike your confidence on the spot.
After mustering up the courage to finally approach (either by going over a motivational speech in your head or by drinking heavily), you walk up. You initiate the courtship by talking to her, and asking her basically if she’d be willing to learn who you are in the hopes of you two becoming closer.
One of 2 things happens here.
- She laughs in your face, and her friends all join in to add to the environmental factor. They all look at you incredulously, and ask what the hell you were thinking. Then you ask yourself what the hell you were thinking. Then you ask yourself what the hell you’re doing here anyway. Then you remind yourself that perpetual masturbation is a perfectly acceptable life choice.
- She and her friends lead you on. All of them exchange looks with one another all throughout the time you spend with them. This is the part where she asks you for things. She may ask you to buy drinks… or she may ask you to do something embarrassing and act like there’s totally nothing wrong with it. All the while, her friends are struggling not to laugh at you. After some time, they all retreat to the bathroom to laugh about how many lies they got you to believe, and how many ridiculous things they were able to get you to do on their behalf. And of course they’re laughing… They’re laughing because you’re a tool. You’re a trusting, innocent, stupid little tool who deserves to be abused.
But let’s say it doesn’t go that way… let’s consider the relationship actually blooms… Well congratulations, because you are now an actor in a play that you were never given the script to.
She’ll say “I love you.” You’ll say “I love you, too.” Then she’ll say “… mmm… you didn’t say it right…” How many guys out there are nodding right now in shared pain?
Some women take you anyway, and they let you know that you’re the lucky one. They could have anyone, and you should be grateful that they’re dating your sorry ass. Terrible, right? “You should dump her!” Well, now we’re back to that “throw the squid away” dilemma.
What about those women who cheat on you? Oh yes, they’re out there. Tons of ‘em. Women cheating doesn’t work the same way it does with men. Most men cheat because they’re greedy. Women cheat because they fall in love with someone else. For a brief moment, they forget about every moment of intimacy with you, and how special it was. They want that intimacy with this new person that makes them feel so special. This could be with another man, or another woman. And for those men who say “heh, I wouldn’t mind if she gets with another woman…” Oh really? Perhaps you’re not seeing it for what it is: the love of your life is opening herself up to someone else, thus cheapening any intimate moment you ever had with her. You thought those moments were something she only deemed special enough to share with you and you alone? Oh hell no, she could share that with anyone. Your relationship isn’t as serious as you apparently thought it was. And for those of you who are still turned on by your girlfriend/wife having sex with another woman, how about I ruin it for you: your woman is getting off to someone besides you. That’s right… you’re not pleasing her… someone else is. Not so sexy now, is it?
But What If All Goes Well?
It’s entirely possible that this all ends up in a light at the end of the tunnel… You find someone you actually connect with, and she’s not a total manipulative bully. She actually gives a shit about you. At a very basic level, she enjoys your presence in the room, and appreciates your perception towards the reality you live in. You two do everything together. You form a partnership… a comradery. This companionship helps on the journey of life. And the 2 of you are happy for the rest of your lives.
Sounds great doesn’t it? There’s only one problem: too rare to realistically expect. This ending is possible, but highly improbable. It’s the ending you and everyone hopes for… But not many people find that ending. Don’t believe me? Look at divorce rates in the US alone… and how many people who are undivorced are considered “happily married”? It’s practically mythical.
So, What Can Be Done?
Welcome to my reality. You have to make a decision… Either keep trying over and over again as your spirit slowly bleeds out with each and every failure, or you go through life alone and forever feel unsatisfied. In the end, you’re hopeful that a miracle will suddenly drop from the sky and solve all your problems one day.
Depressing, isn’t it? Well, perhaps we as human beings need to change our behavior. We live in a world of hate, greed, and danger. Any of us who try to be open and honest wind up getting stabbed by those who seek to exploit us. When we try to be cold and callous, we always wind up hurting someone who meant you no harm.
When will we get our act together? I hope one day things get better… but in the meantime, all I can do is keep myself busy so I don’t have to think about it.