There is one life lesson I’ve had to realize (even if I vehemently fight against it) and am now trying to get used to the idea of. That lesson is this:
You’re irrelevant
It’s true. I can no longer deny it. You, as a person in society, have absolutely no importance, and for you to believe or try to be important is foolhardy.
Nobody is willing to truly understand you. No one cares what interests you, unless it’s conversation filler. Nobody cares if you discover anything great. Nobody cares if you invent something useful. Nobody cares if you’re feeling depressed, or unfulfilled. Nobody wants to hear about anything negative going on with you.
You don’t matter.
And this is why phonies exist. They have all their friends and are involved in so much because they refuse to be honest about anything. Why would they lie? To be accepted? Well, now I’m beginning to believe they lie because nobody gives a shit about what they really think.
You’d best get used to this idea. Anytime someone asks you how you’re doing, you must always respond with a smile, and say “everything’s great!” They don’t want to hear about your worries, your achievements, your hypotheses… No… all they want to hear is that everything’s running at normal capacity.
“How are you?” is a very suspect phrase. It implies that the person is interested in you or your life. This is a lie. They’re not. Want to prove it? Start telling them what you’re really thinking. Watch how quickly they try to dismiss the conversation and get away from you.
Did you find or create something useful? Something that’ll make people’s lives easier? Who cares… nobody’s going to listen. By giving it any attention, it means they’d have to be willing to change themselves or adapt. People don’t like to change or adapt. They want everything to be “normal”.
People don’t challenge the world they’re given… they don’t challenge the tools they have, and they don’t challenge their own religion. They just accept it (or at least act like they do) and refuse to debate it.
This is what it means to be an introvert, and why I find talking to people so exhausting… It’s because I have to pretend and play a charade in order to not drive people away. It’s because I foolishly think that I’m important.
I’m not important. You’re not important. No one is.
This idea is rather depressing, and hard to get used to. I’m still fighting against it, but I can’t run from it. It has reared its ugly head, and I’m stuck with it. In time, my personality and individuality will fade. For now, I try to live a double-life. In front of people, I act the way I’m supposed to… but in private I live in my own world. I explore it, and give importance to everything. Everything is honest, and makes sense. I don’t have to lie in my world, and I don’t have to feel marginalized.
Don’t worry; be happy.
Enjoy the robot you’ve created. I tried to be human, but nobody wants humanity. They want blind submissive cattle. Very well… I’ll play your game, but I don’t have to agree with it. I’ll continue to live the way I want to in private, and put the mask on when I have to deal with the outside world. It’s just easier. I’m done fighting.