I got to listen to drivel at work today with these middle-aged morons blathering on about how “kids these days” never go outside and all they do is sit in front of their computers or cell phones playing video games.
First, let me start by saying thanks a lot for the double-standard, assholes. If you weren’t at work, you’d be sitting in front of the television laid back in your recliner with a bowl of chips balanced on your paunch. While you complain about kids and video games, I complain about you feeble-minded fuck heads who sit and watch sports center for hours and hours.
Next, allow me to explain for you plainly why kids don’t go outside: because video games are more fun. I grew up during a time when video games were first starting to take off. They used to be kept in kids’ sections, as they were viewed as little more than “toys”. And honestly, (and I’m referring to the Super NES and Sega Megadrive/Genesis days) the games weren’t too involving. Some games certainly were (e.g. Squaresoft, Enix…) but most were pretty much like Pac Man or Dig Dug: Pick it up, play for 15-30 minutes, get bored, go do something else.
When I went outside, it’s because I was forced outside. I didn’t want to be out there, but the attitude was “I don’t care, go find something to do!”
And find shit to do we did… First, it started innocent enough… Cul de sac baseball, cul de sac football, cul de sac catch with baseballs/footballs, cul de sac basketball… Then when it got dark, we’d play tag, hide and seek, German spotlights, and ghost in the graveyard. This kept us entertained for about: 1 month. After that, we began going into the woods and burning things, lighting off fireworks, swimming in a disgusting creek, and breaking beer bottles. Some kids (never me, because I was a social outcast) began “discovering” each other, getting drunk, smoking, and getting high.
Yeah… we “found something to do” alright: your daughter, and she was the neighborhood slut.
Ok ok, enough satire (also I’m mad that I never got a chance with the neighborhood slut… I really didn’t make that part up), let’s get to the real issue here… “Kids these days are never outside playing anymore!” That’s because you’d have to be a simple-minded dolt to play outside in today’s world. “Well, we played outside when we were kids!” And why did you do this? Because there was nothing else better to do! Also, your parents were alcoholics and engaged in regular domestic abuse, so being around them was counterproductive to being pain-free. Today, kids have better shit to do to keep ‘em sharp. Why would I want to go throw the ball around for the umpteenth time when instead I could play a game that puts me in the suit of a space marine killing aliens and stomping on their alien innards? Why would I want to go play “tag” when instead I could be solving a very challenging logic puzzle that ends with little Lolo saving his girlfriend? I got a sense of accomplishment when I beat a level in a video game… I had to try things until I found the combination that worked, or keep trying something over and over again until my skills were honed enough to handle the competition…
And today, the games are better than they’ve ever been before. The games today are more engaging, and require more involvement than they did in the past. There’s more than just playing Donkey Kong to see how far you can get… Most kids play an MMORPG or a sandbox game, in that the more work you put in, the stronger your character gets (or the easier/more fulfilling the game gets). Put in work, get results. This is a very valuable life lesson. What lesson are we learning about basketball exactly? What lesson are we learning when we play “hide and seek” for the billionth time?
That shit got old when I was a kid, and it’s still old today. Instead of whining about these kids who don’t go out and play, what you should be doing instead is making sure their talents in gaming are being utilized more effectively. Try taking an interest in these games, and seeing what real-life application they could be used for.
Does your kid like RPGs and strategy games? Maybe teach him/her the ins and outs of the stock market and how it works… bonus points if you actually make a profit. College: paid for.
Does your kid like adventure/puzzle games? Bring ‘em into the field of forensics and let ‘em help you solve crimes. Do it for fun! Or, do like I did and get into the field of IT troubleshooting or programming. Perhaps even the health field would suffice (i.e. diagnoses…).
Does your kid like Madden? Give up, your kid’s a meathead, and you better start training him for professional football, cuz he won’t be any good at anything else. Hahahaha I jest. I apologize… that was a cheap shot. Seriously though, Madden games are simulation games; get him into the field of business management. Use Madden as an analogy.
Now I know what you’re thinking… “well, what about childhood diabetes and all these fat kids?” Eating healthy and exercise should be part of every kid’s (and adult’s) daily regimen. This has nothing to do with the fact that they’re not out playing. In fact, I’d say parents were lazier before because it’s a problem they never had to worry about. Uh-oh, times have changed, and you actually have to stay on top of your kid’s health. Nevermind their health, what about yours, you fucking hypocrite? Is it any mystery why so many adults today are fat and out of shape? It’s because their parents never taught them about a diet or exercise regimen. People worked harder back in the day, and so the problem worked itself out. Times have changed and with immigrant labor and computers, you actually have to spend your own time to be healthy. Why not get this through your head, and then pass it on to your child. There’s no reason any kid shouldn’t be made aware of decent diet and exercise. You’re fat because your parents never instilled good healthy habits with you.
But I see what you’re all saying about children today being in front of computers/televisions/tablets… I see what you see. You see someone looking at the screen like a zombie, don’t you?
And do you know why that is? Because you’re looking at the kid, and not the screen they’re staring at. Have you ever asked yourself: “What do they see? Why would this be fulfilling?” I know, it’s an alien concept… empathy. Pssh, yeah, that’s something Christ might do or something. Seriously though, have you ever looked at what they’re playing rather than looking at them playing it? What is it that’s making them so enthralled with what they’re seeing? And in each of these questions, you learn something about yourself, because you then begin to wonder how you would see it and how it all affects you.
These games aren’t a minor distraction anymore… They’re not simple challenges. They’re a way of exploring the world. The next time you see a kid spending too much time playing video games, what you should be asking yourself is “what the hell are they playing? Let’s get them something more challenging. Let’s get them something that’ll really push ‘em to their limit.”
Going outside sucks, and gives little to no true reward. There’s no real sense of accomplishment or progress in going outside today. I got a better idea: let’s stay inside and learn how to be geniuses.