Introduction and Plug
I listened to a … what do you call it… podcast? Radio show? Internet talk thingy? I stumbled on it through Mara Wilson’s blog. It’s this great interview she did, involving quite a few topics. You can listen to it here (Note: I recommend downloading the mp3 and listening to it offline rather than streaming it… the site is finicky)
I follow Mara Wilson casually, and what I mean by that is I don’t have a twitter account where I monitor everything she does at all times, and I don’t continually follow her in the news or anything. Mostly, I just enjoy her stories about things, or her appearances with the ThatGuyWithTheGlasses team.
But, occasionally, I do listen to her interviews with different people. I enjoy her take on things, and her brutal honesty. Actually, I think I’m beginning to develop a crush for her. As much as she self-deprecates her appearance, I think she’s failing to realize what actually makes her attractive: her quick-witted wise-ass personality, wide-ranged sense of humor, and bravery with honestly talking about anything uncomfortable. I just don’t meet many women of this sort anymore. And as far as her looks go, I’d say she’s an 8, and that’s outta my league.
Anyway, enough gushing. This post is about the interview. She brought up in the interview that she has OCD. I’ve lived with someone who has OCD (and alcoholism) so I was kinda jaded about it. But, surprisingly, I found her take on it rather interesting. So interesting that I couldn’t help noticing similarities in my own behavior.
OCD is strange and frightening
Obviously, I know I don’t have it, but I do have a few quirks that could be somewhat comparable. I mean no offense here, but I do find the differences between these similarities (oxymoron?) to be quite interesting. What I mean by that is my behavior is reminiscent of OCD, but there are definite holes in it that remove it from being actual OCD. Shut up, I’m obsessed with human behavior.
Here are a few:
- I refuse to approach people or start conversations with people. I must instead wait until someone approaches me. Sometimes I’ll do something ridiculous to get noticed, then see if they’ll talk to me. If not, then I’m boring and need to go away. Sure, it’s not routine nor habitual, but it’s still an irrational fear brought on by failing at so many social interactions.
- I have to be as correct as possible. Someone will recount a story, and I’m that asshole who responds using “well… technically…” as the beginning. I can’t really lie about anything, unless I make them aware that I’m lying. The only time I make people aware that I’m lying is when I’m subtly saying “I’d love to explain it, but it would take too long… just stick with this reason I’m giving you for now.” This ridiculous level of correctness results in my making really long speeches or blog posts about whatever I’m talking about. … Stop acting like you’re not surprised!
- I have to solve any challenge given to me, if, and only if, it’s a challenge I know I can complete. Video games are especially bad for me with this. “I know I can make that jump…” Perhaps it’s comparable with a Rubik’s complex. Seriously, I’ll stay awake until the sun comes up trying to solve a computer problem. A video game I can put down, since it has nothing at stake, but computer solutions result in an easier life for me, and I won’t (and can’t) stop until it’s done.
The list goes on, and I don’t have the audacity to say that I have OCD, especially since the main difference between me and someone with actual OCD is that if these things fail, I’m not too broken up about it. It doesn’t really bother me. The other major difference between myself and someone who has OCD is that my ticks and quirks are all conditioned from a shitty childhood. Most of these ticks are reactive, or preemptive. I’m afraid to talk to people because of how many times people look at me and say “So what?” or “whatever”. It wasn’t one time… it wasn’t a few times… and it wasn’t a long time ago. It’s all the time, from childhood through into the present. In fact, every now and then I try striking up conversation with people, and I fail miserably at it. It’s an ongoing problem, so most of the time I don’t bother with it.
I don’t feel that I’m locked into some ritual that has to be done for any illogical reason… I’m conditioned to do these things because of actual experience and seeing what happens most of the time when I don’t follow them. At least those fears or paranoia are based on actual events and patterns; people with true OCD don’t even have that to go off of. Now hearing about OCD from Mara’s point of view, it sounds rather frightening. I never heard about it from my stepfather’s point of view, and that was mostly because he refused to recognize his behavior as weird or quirky. Mara is up front and honest about how irrational it is. My stepfather, however, refused to believe that, and enforced outlandish ridiculous rules around the house.
This one’s my favorite:
If you haven’t had a shower yet, put your socks on to walk around the house inside.
If you get on the couch, however, you have to take your socks off.
But, if you have had a shower, you take your socks off when walking around the house, and when you get on
the couch, you have to put your socks back on.
Yeah, you totally don’t have a problem, and this bullshit is totally not ridiculous, and you’re totally not being an overbearing, neurotic, compulsive, selfish asshole!
Now hearing it from her side, I understand it a bit more, but the difference between Mara and my stepfather is that she’s able to recognize the difference between sane and delusional, and I really appreciate that. That insight helped me be a little more understanding and supportive to those with OCD… because my previous experience with it really made me closed off to it.
She goes on to talk about people who think they have OCD because they only eat red Starburst candies or check their pockets twice for their keys… Yeah, that totally makes you obsessive and compulsive (read: attention-whore).
It made me think about people who use the term ADD or ADHD to describe themselves when they have no fucking idea what it’s like to actually be ADHD. Yes, that’s what I have. I have been clinically diagnosed with ADHD. And since we’re talking about disorders, their symptoms, and common misconceptions, I’d like to get distracted from the topic at hand and talk about ADHD for a bit.
ADHD: everything is boring
First, let’s start with what people think the symptom is. “Ok, I’m going to do a task-oh look, a butterfly! It’s so-ohhhh! Something shiny!”
I think if anyone is focused on a task, an outside stimulus will be distracting, so that has absolutely nothing to do with ADHD.
Attention-deficit really means this: we get bored easily. The hyperactive part doesn’t necessarily apply to our actions (although in many cases it does), rather it applies to our minds. We move at a mile a minute in our brains, producing thoughts and ideas constantly. When we’re forced to sit and focus on something mundane, a problem comes in: we need a higher level of stimulation.
Imagine being bored by everything you do. It kinda sucks. How can you concentrate on anything when you’ve already thought of something more stimulating to think about?
I used to take medication for it… Ritalin, Adderol, and Strattera. “Doesn’t that slow you down?” Actually, it doesn’t really “slow me down” so much as it makes me focus very intensely on everything, which in turn makes my response to stimuli slower. In a roundabout way it slows us down, but mentally speaking we’re not slower.
Here’s an example of what I mean. I used to make subs at a convenience store I once worked at. An order comes up for a sub with certain toppings and condiments. You commit what they are to memory, reach for them, put them on the bread, wrap it up and send it out. On an ADHD drug, you have trouble initially commiting the items to memory because you’re too busy associating something with each piece. First, lettuce. Now I’m focused on what lettuce looks like, and what it tastes like. Then I see it in the prep table, and I concentrate on it for a bit. I’m imagining all the different things lettuce is in, and whether or not it’s normal to have lettuce go with all the other toppings on the list. When I finally get the lettuce on the sandwich, I move to the next topping: tomato… and here we go again. It’s now taken me 3 minutes longer to make a sub when I could have gotten it done sooner. This is because when I’m off the medication, I’m not spending a whole lot of time concentrating on everything I’m doing or thinking.
I tend to zone out more on ADD medication, because when my mind wanders, I’m heavily concentrated on it.
Another thing ADHD people do, as touched on earlier, is make associations to things they’ve experienced. The problem is, they don’t realize the experience they’re associating it with isn’t an experience everyone in the world is familiar with.
Here’s an example: If I’m at a birthday party, and someone has chocolate cake, I’ll immediately think of a stand-up comedy bit from Bill Cosby: Himself where he feeds chocolate cake to his children for breakfast. Now, at my age now, nearly everyone’s seen that stand-up routine, but at the age of 6, I was the only kid who’d ever heard it (and on cassette, mind you), and I really thought it was funny. So when I explain something to the effect of “oh! chocolate cake! watch that your mom’s face doesn’t split and shoot fire everywhere!”, everyone thinks you’re weird, or special. I’m not weird nor special; I was just relating it to the part where Bill’s wife comes down to see what the hell he’s doing, realizes what he’s done, and explodes in a raging fury about it (all of course with Bill’s hilarious and creative use of hyperbole).
Many people act like they have ADD because they got distracted, or because they got bored quickly with something. Others think they have ADD, and they don’t.
You want to know what the easiest symptom of ADD there is to recognize? Listen to a person with ADHD or ADD talk about something. Without fail, they’ll use an analogy or an association to further illustrate their point. Lots of people do this, so it’s not weird yet. The problem starts when they then use another association to further describe their first associative example. Then they’ll describe that one with another one, and then describe that one with yet another, and so on and so forth… until they eventually talk themselves into a corner where they cannot branch out any further… Then they’ll go back to what they were originally talking about (or they’ll have branched so far out that they’ll forget what they were originally talking about). They end up repeating themselves a lot, and they end up talking a lot.
An analogous association is stimulating. It allows your mind to think outside the bounds of what is right in front of you, and be creative with describing something. The problem is that this creativity can branch out further into even more creative associations, which is even more stimulating.
We’re not “easily distracted” from what we were talking about… We’re just creative, and stimulated by our own creativity.
If you’re still confused by what I mean, I’ll go ahead and do it for a little while right here in this blog. This is how people with ADD will hold a conversation.
So, yesterday I was playing this MMORPG game. It came at a great time, because my day had been crap.
Seriously, I woke up to 2 dogs barfing all over the living room. I mean, the barf wasn't too bad,
it was just puked up dog food. That is to say, it hadn't been digested yet. Cuz if it were digested,
it would be like yellow or something. Yellow puke means stomach acid. I had a dog once that was
puking out yellow fluid, and it turned out he had parvo. And parvo, I hear, is a really serious
health condition for dogs, and many dogs die from it. My dog survived it, which I was happy about,
but then he developed a skin condition that made him stink really badly. No amount of baths could
cure it. But anyway, so I was playing this game...Yeah, I think you get the idea. (That’s all true, by the way). That’s how I’d sound if I wasn’t actively paying attention to what I’m saying and/or writing.
Through lots of mental conditioning, I’ve effectively suppressed the symptoms of ADHD for many years. You’d never even know I had it unless I mentioned it.
Helpful tips for managing ADHD
One of the biggest helpful tools at my disposal for managing it was being well aware of the symptoms. The education of what ADHD is, and what its symptoms are, became very beneficial to me. I began watching myself, almost as both a first and third party at the same time, and trying to spot these symptoms whenever they crept up. At first, I wasn’t always able to pick up on it, but through years of constant practice, I’ve gotten very good at it. Despite how good I’ve gotten at it, I do still slip up sometimes. Thankfully, I’ve learned to dodge the bullet when I do.
It’s socially-acceptable to trail off, and it’s only socially-acceptable to make what appears to be a nonsensical association when you point out that it makes sense only to you (usually jokingly). To get around the odd association, I’ll usually explain that association, but only if it’s short and illustrates the point efficiently. Otherwise I’ll say “never mind” and find something simpler.
I’ll go about 2 associations deep before I bring it back. I try to use only one association, if at all possible, but as I said, I slip up sometimes. If I go any further, 2 is my max. If I find myself slipping into a 3rd, I’ll quickly catch myself, stop, and say something to the effect of “but that’s another story… anyway, getting back on topic-“.
Technically, I’d say I’m still exhibiting the symptoms of ADHD, but I’m hiding them really well under well-trained social skills. Granted, I’m not perfect at socializing, and I’m very weird and awkward in social situations, but at the very least I’ve perfected my ability to stop ADHD from being the cause.
But enough about disorders; let’s talk about nerds!
And speaking of staying on topic, let’s get back to it: posers. People who act like they have a condition (OCD, ADHD, etc.) to create some sort of faux identity for themselves. The interview went on to talk about nerds, and people who “self-confess” themselves as nerds when they aren’t, and what truly makes you a nerd, and yadda-yadda. This made me think even further.
I know I’m a nerd, but I never strived to be one. It just sort of happened. I got too deep in my understanding of something, and I just couldn’t get enough information about it, and finally someone had to point it out to me.
I think truly being a nerd isn’t anything glamorous… You become interested in something to the point of becoming involved in it. Eventually you get lost in what you’re doing, and your social skills, responsibilities, and sometimes even hygiene suffer as a result.
Nerds want to know as much as they can about something, and they’re not afraid to try things and put them to the test. Trial and error. If it’s something out of the ordinary that they can do, they’ll try it, just because it visually defies logic (even though there is a logical scientific explanation).
For instance, here’s a weird fact for you: during the spring equinox, if you can find a flat surface, you can easily get a raw egg (still in its shell) to stand straight up. I can’t really remember the science behind it, but there I was on the kitchen floor with an egg-henge around me. I found it exciting. My mom walked in and said “… what the hell?” “Mom, it’s the spring equinox! What’s interesting about that is that it apparently allows eggs to stand up on end! Look… i got like 7 of ‘em up now… heheheh, this is so cool!”
Mom sigh-laughed and said “you’re such a nerd.”
See, right there… I didn’t realize I was being a nerd. I just thought something weird was cool, and actually put it to the test. And I’d learned enough about it to be able to explain it. I mean come on… how interesting could something boring like “the spring equinox” really be? I’m making something that’s boring into something that’s fun, and it gives off the appearance that I’m really interested in the earth’s revolution around the sun. Actually, I’m not interested in that… I just think eggs standing up on end is neat. Simple and childish, really, when you think about it.
I loved Mara’s bit about how someone said “Oh, you’re a nerd? Prove it: solve this logical puzzle!” “OK, You’re not a nerd – you’re an asshole!” I always thought it was funny when someone wanted to prove how smart you were by giving you a hard math equation they knew. I’m not a math geek; that’s not my area of expertise. Start with something better, like the names of all the enemies in the original Legend of Zelda, or how to capture the output of a linux command, cut out all instances of a certain word pattern, save the results in a file, and post it on the internet all from one command line in the bash shell.
Why do you need to test me anyway? Saying that you’re “nerdy” has little to do with what actually makes you a nerd, and more to do with how you’re socially accepted. Being “nerdy” in a social context (to me anyway) means that you tend to focus and concentrate on things that most people don’t. You give importance to things that most people miss, ignore, or don’t care about. This usually results in some slight social alienation (because God forbid anyone obtain a fucking identity in this crazy mixed up world of ours). We take a deep level of interest in things: that’s what makes us nerdy.
But, then we have people who say shit like “I’m playing minecraft… lol such a nerd!” This is grating to read and listen to; it’s hurtful. This is something you feel would get you laughed at, and you yourself would laugh or belittle anyone who is engaging in the activity you’re doing… But you cop out with the “nerd” label… a sort of half-assed attempt at tongue-in-cheek humor. You’re also making a blanket statement that only nerdy people would deign to play such a game.
As a nerd – no, as a person – I play minecraft because I enjoy playing it. It’s a fun game, and I respect its origins and its level of success when given its humble origins. I’m not a nerd or a geek because I play it. In fact, there are plenty of non-nerds who play this game (I’ve met plenty of them in person at minecon). Your statement effectively reads: you’re embarrassed to be doing something you blindly believe only nerdy people (people you apparently don’t respect) would do.
Well don’t worry… playing minecraft won’t make you lose your “cool factor”. Your reputation isn’t endangered by playing a video game – you’re losing your cool factor and endangering your reputation just fine on your own without the video game.
Sometimes, I’m not actually being an asshole.
Continuing on in the interview, they spoke of “political-correctness”. Mara very wisely stated that “when someone says you’re offensive, replace the word ‘offensive’ with the word ‘hurtful’ instead.”
I agree about 90% with that rule. Learn to recognize when you’re being an asshole. However, I felt that they didn’t talk about the other side of the coin: plenty of people like to feel offended.
Here’s an example to explain what I mean. Granted, it’s an example using video games, but it’s still valid. In Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for the Nintendo 64, there’s a dungeon you have to complete called the “Fire Temple”. In the original version of the game, the music has this sort of incoherent tribal chanting going on in it. Well, some islamic groups pointed out that it sounds a little too closely to one of their religious song prayers, and said it was really offensive to not only have it in such a low-viewed medium as a video game, but a game that neither featured their god nor their religion. Also, they questioned the significance of why this was in the Fire Temple, as if Nintendo was making some sort of statement.
How’s this for a novel hypothesis: it was there because it sounded cool. Seriously, are you just looking for a reason to be pissed off? There’s absolutely nothing offensive about it. You just wanted the opportunity to impose your control over a big gaming company; it’s a pivot with which you can pull on and get them to bend.
Here’s another one: recently the trademarked name of the “Redskins” was declined because a few people felt the name offensive. (I can’t believe I’m using a football example…) Could it be viewed as such? Sure. Could you also choose to view it otherwise? Absolutely. You actually have the choice to view this name or its imagery to be offensive. You also have the choice to view it all as an honorable homage to the Native American people (which was, and still is the intention behind the name and imagery).
To me, actions cannot be offensive… only the intentions behind the actions can be interpreted as offensive or not. Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin’s intentions were to be offensive. Nintendo and the NFL (or whoever invented the Redskins name and image) did not intend to be offensive.
But, I just said earlier that you should recognize when you’re being an asshole. Sounds like I’m being hypocritical if you can just cop out with “well, that wasn’t my intention, so it must be your problem.” There’s a difference here.
It’s actually a very simple rule: if there was any maliciousness in your intention, it can be viewed as offensive. The “lol such a nerd” comment clearly contains a subtle derogatory suggestion towards nerds, whereas the Redskins (especially upon explanation) very clearly contains respect for the Native American people.
In the end: you have the right to think I’m an asshole, and I have the right to think you’re a manipulative drama queen.
I look forward to hearing more interviews and tellings from Mara. They really get my intellectual juices flowing.