Setting the record straight here. I don’t get along with my father’s side of the family, and I’ll tell you why.
My Father
Background
I have no idea what the hell my mother was thinking when she married this joke of a human being. This is a man who is so dependent on the attention of other people, that if he doesn’t get it, he’ll threaten to kill himself. That’s not hyperbole; he actually called around to a bunch of people threatening to kill himself after my mother left him.
My mother split with him before I was old enough to remember it, and a few years later we moved 3 hours away to another state. This man had me in constant emotional stress when he’d visit, not to mention my mother. Panic attacks, underweight… yeah, this is a normal life.
Brainwashed?
Most of my childhood memories of him are of phone conversations I had with him. Every time he called, I was forced away from having fun (reading, video games, action figures, etc.) and had to come to the phone. The reason? He was so intimidating that my mother wouldn’t dare give him the impression that she wouldn’t let me talk to him. No mom, I’m letting you off the hook. I don’t want to hang on the phone for an hour and a half to hear some man interrogate me and tell me that he wants to take me 3 hours away from home. Can’t figure out why I’d be so afraid of him.
Must’ve been the brainwashing… right? Yeah, that’s his insistence. I was brainwashed. Because apparently he thinks I’m a moron incapable of forming my own opinion. I’ll let you decide whether I’m capable of forming my own opinion by leaving this little page link here.
Sociopath
This man is a sociopath, but I’m not exactly sure if I’d consider him a danger to himself or others… Yeah, there was that suicide bit… hmmm… maybe. The point is he’s incapable of normal human emotion. Sympathy, empathy, guilt… nope, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
He feigns human emotion to get a desired reaction out of you. He’s the only man I know who can flip between extreme emotions at breakneck speed. One minute he’s crying, hoping you’ll console him (build him up). The next he’s happy, and willing to brag about shit he’s never even done (see him as better than you). Then he’ll get angry, and try to make the ultimate winning argument (wants to impose his superiority to you). In all cases, he wants to be either brought up, or be above you.
Seeing him with my younger half brother is sickening. Half brother cries, and he’s hugging all over him, lifting him up. “Oh… he loves his daaddy! yeah, I knooooooow!” Get me a barf bag, because I don’t think I can stop from gagging. Naturally, my brother cries more, since my father is feeding it. But my brother crying is feeding my father his ego, so he gets even more ridiculous. Just a neverending spiral of pretentiousness.
Social Fake
My father goes out of his way to try to be liked by everyone, so he’ll tell you all sorts of stories. Stories that after a while you begin to pick up on one common denominator: bullshit. It’s as though he’s willing to tell you anything to make you like him. It’s no wonder all his family and friends avoid him like the plague… nor why he can’t seem to keep a fucking job. Trying to be liked by everyone… but he takes it a step further by trying to get people to idolize him. And after a while, the shit gets old.
In closing
I don’t hate the man. Sure, he was a shitty dad who caused lots and lots of dysfunction, but today, I stay away from him because I don’t have the energy. Every conversation has to be intense and emotionally-charged, and I get enough of that out of the metal songs I hear. I don’t need to hear it with every damn conversation. Shit, as much as I love metal, I change the station now and again…
My Uncle
Background
Ah, my last living relative of my father’s side. He’s quite the fine kettle of fish as well. After I’d heard my grandmother wasn’t doing well, I decided to give him a call. I hadn’t spoken to him in over 20 years, so what the hell.
What followed was a lot of hard life lessons. That man has problems that are far bigger than any I’ve ever had, and I’m the only child who got bullied while moving around a lot.
Delusion
My uncle insists that I’m a younger version of him. I think that’s awfully forward, since I believe you can see a lot of yourself in any kid half your age. But no, he swore up and down that I was a younger version of himself.
He swore this because not once did he ever really get to know who the hell I was. Just grabbed the cliffnotes and quickly shoved me into a category. So, naturally, he expected me to act like a younger version of himself.
This wasn’t going to fly. My uncle was a poon-hound, constantly blowing money on partying, rock and roll, women, and drugs. Yes, that sounds like the life for me. This is a man who would have absolutely nothing to show for his life had not an awesome woman come in and made him somebody. His wife is amazing, and a role model for us all. He, on the other hand, needs to shut up and be humble.
Authority
This is a man who believes he’s the authority on how you should live your life. Rather than take into account who you are, what you’ve been through, or your personality, he somehow has the answer and won’t respect you until you do what he tells you.
I should be living in a studio apartment downtown, blowing my money on partying, drugs, and “swimming in pussy” as he put it. Wow… what a role model. No really… his genius must be up there right next to investing in a ponzi scheme.
His authority goes further in the way he likes to argue different things. Suddenly you realize the argument has nothing to do with the points or understanding… it has everything to do with whether or not he’s “right”. Funny… Sounds like my father. Normally, you argue because you want someone to understand another side, and hopefully make better decisions based on that understanding. Not my uncle… nah… he just wants everyone to see how smart he is, and how right he is. Wait, now this is becoming uncanny with my father.
Socially Fake
Much like my father, he feels the need to be liked by everyone around him. He lies to their faces so he can continue to ride the fence and be on everyone’s side. Admittedly, he’s far more refined at it than my father, and doesn’t feel this sociopathic need to be idolized. But at its core, it’s the same motive.
“Look, see how I’m talking football with these people I don’t even know? That’s because I have commonality with them. You need commonality to talk to people. This is one of the ways you’re socially awkward.” Oh really? So I should pretend to like something I hate, and research it, all so I can have a conversation about I topic I don’t care about with someone I don’t know?
Fucking genius. How about this instead: have the balls to admit what you like or don’t like? How about being honest with people, because even if you don’t agree, they can respect the fact that you’re not bullshitting them? And let’s say I go along with your logic… what if they’re really big football nerds… It’s going to become very apparent quickly whether I’ve just been bullshitting them all along, isn’t it? Wouldn’t have that problem if I had been honest from the beginning.
Socially awkward? I have conversations with the right people, and with people who have a brain in their head. It’s not social awkwardness. I’ve had all sorts of enlightening conversations with people, and learned a lot. This is because I know when to avoid simpletons who bore me. You welcome the simpletons. I don’t do it because it adds more stress and complication to my life, not to mention annoyance and frustration.
I can’t get this man to speak the truth about anything. It’s like pulling teeth. He wants to keep focusing on an issue as a whole, rather than what his personal opinion is. How you choose to handle a situation rather than musing on the picture as a whole is far more important.
Nevermind that, you want to look good in front of everyone. Look how right I am! Look how smart I am! Look how thoughtful I am!
The Irony
He vehemently insists he’s completely different from his brother, my father. Hilarious, since you apparently don’t know how to look at human behavior. You’re missing how alike the two of you really are. You both crave social stimulation, you can’t be left alone… You need to be idolized and looked up to by everyone… You have to be liked by everyone. You lie to people to fool them into liking you rather than being real and letting them judge for themselves. You’re both cowards.
“But I got more pussy than you!” Wow. And how has pussy earned you money, community esteem, co-partnership with a business, marriage, and fatherhood? “Pussy earned me a son, so technically-“ yeah, and it takes more than a vagina to be a father, or otherwise you believe my father is a tip-top example of one.
The notches in your belt with how many women you’ve slept with are absolutely irrelevant. And that door swings both ways: if you’re a woman who has slept with many men, that does not devalue you as a human being. It’s neither an achievement nor a black mark. It’s irrelevant. And if you think it has relevance, you need a healthier view of sex, because you’re either idolizing it or demonizing it.
In closing
I don’t talk to him anymore. The last time I tried, he expected some kind of apology because I blew up at him. I was curt with him, yes, but there was a very strong reason for it that he refused to acknowledge. There was clearly no reasoning with an irrational person (once again… just like my father), so I just resolved to leave him out of my life.
I have no ill will towards his wife or his son, because they’re good people. I cannot get along with him, and refuse to try any further. Find another young person so you can live vicariously through their accomplishments and sexcapades. You’ve got a problem, and you need to seek help, just like my father.
The End
So there it is. The summarized truth of it all. I have many more stories and examples, but I think this more conclusively states the truth all in one place. If I included everything, this article would go on way longer than it already has.